pride tearing down

Lately, I have been learning a lot. One thing that I seem to be learning to the core is my issue with pride. I'm so prideful. I'm prideful in the things I know and even in the things I think I know. I'm a hurricane of bullshit. I flaunt the things I think I know and make sure people know that I know them. Being Spain I am the international now. A very good portion of my friends are internationals. Whether that be from Korea or from Latin America. I also live extremely close to Mexico in my home town. Most of my friends speak spanish. I remember freshman year I would flaunt my knowledge about culture. I would look at internationals in a different way. That we share some sense of similarities. There are some things but really not enough to have some deep connection. 

Not only do I hold pride in my knowledge and cultural "savvy" knowledge but also in toughness. I have been through a lot, seen things, and experienced a lot of horrible situations. If not in emotional life experiences then in playing some intense sport. I'm prideful in my aggressiveness. I'm not sure where this all comes from. Its not genetic though I do know my Brother, Britton, and I share it. 

Lately, my pride has been stripped down. Ever day it seems like my pride is being stripped from my bones. Anne Banyai has been a huge contributor. She has seen my pride and has been putting a mirror to my face, showing my behavior. Though, just being an international now I can certainly sympathize with the ones at Calvin. Or with whom as ever been one. I'm only here for 4 months but the feeling that you are different sometimes gets overwhelming. At times I can certainly feel it back home in San Diego but thats where I was born and I have a sense of "this is my turf too!" Here I'm one who sticks out just from my appearance. If not my appearance, which I doubt, then my horrible spanish. When people ask where our group is from, I instantly confess that I am from California not Michigan. 

Today we hiked to the Cristo that over looks all of Oviedo. I heard it is the 3rd largest Cristo in the world. It was a huge hike but so worth it. I'm different then a lot of people here in Spain. Sometimes its point out a lot more than other times. Whenever I meet a Christian here, its an immediate connection. The weight of language being a barrier suddenly drops when we worship together. I stand out in a different way here in Spain. A way that I hate. In my group I try to stand out because I hate looking all the same and I hate being the American group. A foreign country will never change where I was born though it will change my outlook on life. 

So I want to say sorry to people that I may have made them felt inferior to me. I want to say sorry to the international people at Calvin. I had no idea what I was talking about. Or what I was actually relating myself to. 

Though the thing about Spain is that its so European. I hear so much Spanish every single day. I sometimes wish I was doing this study abroad in Latin America or even Mexico.