Is this real life?

As the days seem to pass by like an hour elapsing in the day, I can't seem to understand how I got to Spain. I began my journey a little over three weeks ago. It feels like a week ago I was on the Californian soil soaking in the rays of the sun. Dreaming of Spain and the adventures I will soon be having. I was thinking of all the stressful situations and all the exciting times mixed into one. When the trip first started I didn't pay enough attention to God at all. I was consumed by Spain and by the fact that I was so tired. I slept instead of praying or reading the Bible or even talking about Him. I was defeated by my flesh. I felt the repercussions of this once we got into Oviedo. Though the moment I felt like my spirit and heart were not searching anymore was when I was in the park. I stood still when I was suppose to be running. I felt his glory rain on me. Tonight I am suppose to be studying though I think I have exceeded my limit of concentration. What distracts me now is this song

This is what I felt when I looked across the park and experienced God awakening my soul. In Oviedo there is need for prayer. When you pray for me on my study abroad also include Oviedo. Recently, I have been learning a lot about the history of Spain. To be honest I think I know more about Spain now then my own country's history. I can tell you all the main characters who influenced Spain to what it is now. I wonder a lot what I will be like when I come home. There are moments in the day that I wish I was home. I quickly toss those thoughts to the side because I'm doing something that most people will never experience in their lives. I am emerging myself into a culture and trying to learn "them". I'm trying to learn something completely different. Its something that I hope will change me forever.
The before I eat any meal my host mom makes she asks me if I like it. She typically asks right before I even have food on my plate. I'm not sure what to say but I tell her I like it anyways. I am so thankful that God made me a person that is not a picky eater. I eat everything she makes me and I like every thing she makes me. EXCEPT for one time. It turned out to be pretty funny. I came into the kitchen because I wasn't sure if she told me to come to eat or if she would have dinner ready soon. I came in and sat down in the kitchen. In a glass pan she had two fish cut into halves. They were pretty big. She asked me in spanish if I like sardins and then showed the pan. I was about to hurl. I tried my best in my broken spanish that I have never had sardins that big before. Im not sure if I like them or not. She say the expression on my face and quickly got something out of the freezer, fish sticks. Haha I didn't mind them at all. Fish sticks and potatoes. I laughed to myself as ate Spanish fish sticks and watched the HUGE sardins cook in the oven. At times I can't believe I am here because someone is making my bed, cooking for me, doing my laundry, making sure I eat, and cleaning the house. Something I haven't experienced since my mom was healthy. I feel uncomfortable cause I am not sure if I deserve it. I have been so used to doing the laundry, cooking, and cleaning. I'm being taken care of like I was when my mom was alive and healthy. Strange that a place far from home, far from school home, and far from anything familiar can be so familiar. Is this real life? I hope you have that weird little kid from the youtube video in your head. As he says "Is this real life?" in his drugged up manner. Because I feel like laughing when I look at what is unfolding. Not laughing out of disbelief but out of pure joy and excitement.

September 20th

My mind is starting to realize that I am in fact in Spain. Not only I am in Spain but I am living here. My stuff is finally neatly put away and in the places it show be. I know my way home from school and the central meeting place. I know where I should be at certain times. I am living here in Spain. I often think about my international friends from when I was living in the States. The way they acted sometimes or what they talked about seems to come to my mind. Many things I didn't understand or I tried to understand and just couldn't. I think about most is my friend Jin Sung. When she came to the States she barely knew English and now she speaks it so well. I feel like her at times...being lost in a language. My host dad keeps on telling me vocab that I should know. He pronounces it for me instead of repeating it super fast like most people here do. I repeat what he says until I understand what word he is actually talking about. I have feeling that tonight I will be tested on fork, knife, and spoon again. Or should I say tenedor, cuchara, and cuchillo. The man is pretty funny. He sometimes scares me in away because he is so direct. Though I know I will be having solid conversations with him once my spanish gets better. I'm becoming more and more intrigued in this city as the days go by. There is still the awkward and lonely period but today wasn't too bad. 
I took a run with Anne today, though my knee has been killing me lately. I ran by myself to a park close by. My intentions were to do some sprints. But once I stepped foot into the park, God captivated my Heart and I had to just be still. I watched the sun glaze over the rolling hills...grass covering every part. I felt the breeze on my cheek and the voices passing by. This world consumed me. God shook my being and told me to be still. When I was home I would get up soak in God. My devotions would lay in front of me and I would pray out loud to the valley I lived in. Though lately its been hard for me to find that time. To make that time. God knew my thoughts and helped me. I thought about my mom, my new home, and the landscape God provided for me. 
I'm learning the spanish way. I'm learning God is never letting go of me. I'm learning what life is. I'm learning who God is trying to mold me into. I'm learning how to be aware. 

Then This Day Happened

This day...
It was filled with so much and I felt so much. I'm exhausted by it. Here is how the day went. Had my normal 10am class then went to my 12pm. My 12pm is about post colonial and I enjoyed it so much. Its more a theory class then anything else. We talked about being the minority and ethnicity. It was so strange to hear about the Spaniard's experience in this because the majority had never felt singled out. I was amazed but not shocked. We had to get into groups to discuss it. One girl in the group was from Slovakia, two were Spaniards, and then my friend Mag who is korean and then me. Ha our group in itself was minority. I chose to not speak this class period because I wanted to get a feel for the class. The feeling the class gave me was like nothing I had experienced. After class Mag and I went to a Cafateria. We talked about great things. We dug into gay marriage and drugs. Haha, classic conversations, huh? For a moment we talked about my mom because I was eating dessert. For some odd reason I have been missing my Mom more than I would of in the States. Though, it isn't a time consuming missing. It's more like a thought that crosses my mind in the day and then disappears. On the way home I cried a bit. Not because I was really sad or anything but because I would of loved to tell my mom about what I am doing. How independent I am. I wanted to tell her how better I am at conversation and communicating with people. So many grand things. When I got back home lunch was waiting for me. I dove into it and had a great bonding time with my host dad. He taught me some words, even some words I already knew. He kept telling me that the fruit would give you muscles...I'm not sure if I believe him. Then tonight was the first Bible study for the girls. In need of that I was. Talking about the Lord and hearing everyone's frustrations and difficulties just encouraged me. A lot of us deal with this loneliness problem. It hits after lunch. You can only do so much homework. Language is incredibly interesting to me. I would of enjoyed coming home and saying, "My day was great. My class was incredible...it totally suits me. Sorry about coming late for lunch, I lost track of time. But how was your day?" Instead the conversation is more one sided. Them talking in uncontrollable spanish and me speaking in very broken spanish with odd english conjunctions in the mix. I miss talking about my day and talking about someone else's day. I try to get my fill through Facebook but to be honest it just makes it worse. I told Mag last night that I am so excited to take our spanish classes that are in October. Vocab can only get you so far.
Today I decided for sure that I am quitting smoking. My brain already hurts thinking about it to be honest. I love the taste and love the way it feels in my lungs. I like it especially on a cool morning...Oviedo has cool mornings. To be honest I'm not sure why I am quitting.
I came home after Bible study and mi mama says Voy a cocinar pescado. Music to my ears. Finally I get to eat some fish!! I like carne but ah I don't like so much of it. The other day I finally got across to mi mama that I like carne but not has much as I like fish. It was wonderful.
Everything kinda balances out, even though sometimes the bad things can get overwhelming or seem to be bigger than they are. I'm so thankful that I am called Beloved. Without God I don't think I could ever do this trip.

Adjusting...

This is one the most craziest things I have done. I tend to just sign my name to the list and not really know what I am signing up for. It comes from my ability to not pay attention well. Though here I am in Oviedo, Spain. I am in a house that I have never been to and with a family I have never talked to. Only one person in the house speaks fluent English and that is me. I live with a Mama, Papa, and a brother. My brother is 23 and speaks broken english, although he gets yelled at for this since I am suppose to be learning spanish here on out. My mama is so nice and understanding. She speaks slowly for me and makes sure she doesn't disclude me from conversation.
I think I hit a bit of culture shock. Everything is a bit overwhelming. It reminds me of freshmen year in the beginning when no one knows each other and the entire campus is so unfamiliar. Though here is in spain I am dealing with an entirely different culture then I have ever experienced. I'm so yearning to hear from home which to be honest I have never quite had that before. Communicating with my host family is an absolute chore. A lot of blank stares and laughs can sum it up nicely. I feed off conversation or touch from people. Either we are talking or we are close to each other and not talking. In spain there isn't much hugging or touching for that matter.
Though the night is simply contagious for me. I enjoy the night so much more...I'm getting back into my late night tendencies which is ideal for the spanish life. I have a feeling this is the null period for me. getting past this will be interesting to overcome.

reflections...

When we arrived in Granada I was taken back. The city had this entirely different energy to it then the last cites we have been going to. I was overwhelmed and for the first time I experienced a bit of culture shock. Culture shock for two reasons. One was because the buildings were so close to each other and there were so many people walking the streets. I have seen huge cites and have been among the crowd of city surfers, but because the buildings were so tightly together it felt more busy. The city was alive and my heart was being rebooted. The tranquility was being disturbed in my body. 

Second, I saw one of my friends from high school roaming the streets. I don’t know him anymore though I did awhile ago. But it was insane seeing him there. That feeling gave me culture shock because in my mind he wasn’t suppose to be there. I wasn’t suppose to see other Americans besides the group. 

A bunch of us went out to two bars that night. I’m not sure if liked the bars or not. It was too easy to get something to drink in my mind. Like I was tasting the forbidden fruit. I have had my experiences with alcohol and drinking it, is nothing terribly special in my mind. Just drinking it not at dinner or at party was different.

When we went to the Albaicin, Alhambra, and Palacios Nazaries I didn’t know what to expect. My body was drained until we entered the Palacios Nazaries. I cannot imagine how it would of been like if the time was set back 100s of years to the past and to walk around in it. I know as a “commoner” I most likely wouldn’t have gone in. But being a commoner and wondering what the mystery was inside would have been most intriguing. To dream of wonders that are literally so close to your house would have been extreme. 

When I saw the intricate details of the building inside I was certainly amazed. My eyes were wide and my camera on. I felt the walls and felt the etchings that most likely took years to build. I walked across the terra cotta bricks that were stepped on by numerous faiths, cultures, languages, motives, and thoughts. I was at awe that I was even in there. I wanted so bad to just sit in the middle of one of the glorious rooms and just fall in love with the art. It amazes me that people would learn this trade of constructing decor like this. Their life was to do that, create decor.

I obviously love art and anything that has to do with art. I absolutely love God’s art, though. The gardens were unfathomable. I have seen many great things in California that could to a certain degree compare to the gardens. But this was in Spain. The fragrance of the gardens swelled my nose and the water complementing the stone and the plants filled my eyes.  I was getting tired and it bothered me. When I am tired I cannot experience things to my full potential. Beautiful things need your full attention. 

Most of the group went up to a tower while Anne, Profe, and I stayed back in the shade. I was content to rest. Smell the smell of the constant cigarets and hear the languages being spoken.  I have been noticing the difference between Mexican Spanish and Spain Spanish. Spain puts this fluid and soft tones to Spanish. They massage the language in your ears. Mexican Spanish seems to have these voice fluctuations and shorter breaks between words. Its a lot faster and seems to be stripping away flowers from a rose bush and leaving just the bush to be left. I could do without hearing Mexican Spanish for awhile. 

When our day of walking was done, I was the most tired I have been for a long time. I showered and took a nap that seemed to last not enough. I slowly got ready and familiarized myself with the States via Facebook. It was hard to communicate with the outside world because so much has gone on that I couldn’t sum it up in one sitting. I also couldn’t express what I saw. My brain was massaged by the world of Spain and Spain left my brain numb in experience. 

Although, last night was a lot of fun once I was re-energized. We ate this meal that seemed to be endless. I enjoyed every bit of it. I was full to the brim. Which supplied me until 4 hours later... 

After dinner there was the Flamenco show. When we were waiting for the show to start, everyone was having a good time. Our group is getting along great and enjoying each other’s company. For the first time I felt like myself or felt like I could naturally be myself instead of forcing it. Where the show was felt like a different area then we have been in. After the show when we had a tour, the guide told us that they had everything they needed here. It was like their own town. I knew when she said that I could live there. Removed from the city but a 15 minute walk and you are there. 

We started to file into the small cave where the show was held. The room was hot and rather uncomfortable. Though, the intimate setting made the show better. The dancers were so intriguing to me. This was their life in Spain. To dance and make money. To show foreigners their talents.  To have an hour or so of your life to be watched with great applauds. Expressing their culture with ease and no fright, I wanted to be like them for a night. To captivate the virgin eye’s of the States. 

Wednesday in Spain

This is what I have been doing for past few days or so.

Monday, 5 September

• desayuno (breakfast) en el albergue
• in the bus by 9:00
• visit the monuments of Mérida: Roman circus baths, theater and amphitheater, bridge, temple of Diana, Arabic alcazaba
• There will be free time.  Use this time to do observations for your journaling homework.
• Dinner in the albergue.  

Tuesday, 6 September

• Lots of time in the bus today!  Read Williams, study vocabulary, work on your journals
• desayuno en el albergue
• en el autobus a las 8:30
• Visit the Mosque/Cathedral of Córdoba 13:00
• Walking tour, city of Córdoba
• Tiempo libre (Free time)
• 16:30 in bus for trip to Granada
• All rooms are double romos
• 20:00 Cena: Restaurante Hicuri

el miércoles, 7 de septiembre

• desayuno en el hotel
• 9:00 meet guide in lobby for walking tour of the Albaicin (wear comfortable shoes).  We will not be returning to the hotel until evening.
• 11:30 Plaza Nueva—pick up picnic lunch; walk to the Alhambra
• 12:00 enter the Alhambra
• 13:00 enter Palacios Nazaries

We were at a ruins of a Diana Temple and this man came by walking. Lately we have been walking so much that our feet are tired and all we can think about is food. Though dinner isn't till 10. BUT since we are adjusting we get dinner at 9 or 8 depending on if we are doing anything after. Most of us aren't going out but I went to a couple of bars. Not so shabby. We don't go out like the normal Spaniards yet. Americans really don't know how to live. I'm extremely tired and a nap is calling my way before dinner. Love you all. Please comment... :] 

{[Its been quite real and amazing. I haven't experience any culture shock yet. Things seem so fascinating that I don't have time to worry or anything like that. I have seen so many wonderful historical buildings. The language here is poetic. The Spaniard's spanish is more calming and relaxing then the other forms I have heard. Sure there are a lot of the same words and grammar but they way they pronounce is soothing. I sometimes cannot tell the difference from another language.]}