Oviedo Dwellers '11

This isn’t so much as a blog but a thank you to people on my trip. How they have shaped me a bit more. The group that became family.

I’m going to go through everyone...and with no order. Some will be descriptions and others will be how they helped me.

Nicole- I thank her for teaching me how to be interested when I wasn’t. For making things seem more fun than they were. Also, she has this non judging aroma to her. She made it easy to talk to her and just say whatever I needed to say. She warmed my heart.

Amanda- For being intelligent and sassy. She has this quite outer appearance but when you get  to know her, it is like a whole new world. She jokes, laughs, gets serious, and can just relax. I would love to talk about political issues with her.

Stephanie- I love how quite she can be. Though she knows when to say the right thing. She can be a lot of fun and knows when to. I enjoy her company even if its silent. I am sometimes intimidated by people with this personality. But I think it can teach you a lot about yourself. Because she listens when you talk.

Eric- I like Eric a lot. He can be awkward and say funny things. But it is entirely refreshing not having a guy who is always loud and saying something. Small talk or filling the void in the room isn’t always needed. He likes the meat of the story.

Tim- Tim is a great guy. He stands his ground and doesn’t let people even think of pushing him around. Easy to talk to about...anything. I wouldn’t say he is quite but I would say something like reserved. Not meaning beliefs but attitude. He doesn’t shout to the world what he is doing or saying but instead just does it.

E.B-She is delightful. She has her opinion and love it. I might not always agree but I love how she stands her ground. Life isn’t an obstacle to her but something to live...its encouraging.

Nait- He makes me smile even when I am down. He enjoys life...from what I can tell. The trip just wouldn’t be the same without him. He has his opinion but a lot of times keeps it to himself. I admire him and how he carries himself.

Kayla- She has to be the most intriguing person on this trip at times. In the beginning she was so quite but not because she was shy but because that is just her. Though once she starts talking...it is so great to listen to. I have enjoyed being friends with her and seeing her be comfortable with the group. She isn’t someone who just lets all her secrets out on the table but observes and if asked she will tell you to a certain extent.

Grant- He loves to dance. He loves to see everything he can see. He loves God. Definitely a great guy. Oh and he loves to talk about religion. :]

Anne- At times we rub against each other and other times we seem to be so connected. I’m blessed to have her on this trip. I think it would be very different with her not here. I know I have to thank her for some of the things I left behind in my old self. She knows her limits and she also knows what is most important in life, most of time. She’s pretty special.

Mag- Interesting. Life of the party at times. Caring for so many people. And of course late to class. Everyone calls him a hipster, me too, and he denies it. It might be because its a label? :] Anyways, he has a very kind heart.

Sarah- I haven’t had a lot of chances to get to know her but from what I have. She is sweet and kind. Gives this calm and collective feel to the air. In our Bible study I enjoyed listening to what she had to say. I feel comfortable around her.

Blair- I like her a lot. She has a strong personality and isn’t afraid of showing it. I love her zeal for God and for her love of Spain. Encouraging. She just makes things a bit more exciting.

Russell- At times I would of punched him...but we all know he is just like a teddy bear. The day we went to Gijon together with Mag is one of my best memories in Spain. A guy worth getting to know.

Aaron- As much as he can get under my skin...I enjoy having him in the group. I think he spices things up from the norm.

Hannah- I wasn’t sure what to expect from her because when we first met...it wasn’t anything special. But through these months I have respect for her. I appreciate our friendship. It isn’t forced or awkward but relaxed and easy.

Tyler- I love this guy. He has a heart of gold and has grown so much on this trip. I was sad to see him go but knew it was what he had to do. He is certainly turning into a man of God.

I do not write this to show off or make people say something nice back to me but to show that our group was certain different. Our personalities are all different. Some of us click better than others, some us would rather be on our own more, and some of us where right in the thick of it. We became a family. With all our different attributes it made what we all needed. I can only speak for myself but as I look over our group I think it stands true for all. I have no idea what will happen when get back to Calvin. Or even when we get back to our own families. How will we react on the path or when we have to introduce them to our closest friends at Calvin? I have no idea because I just spent 3 1/2 months with the same 17 people.

I pray that I don’t differently when they see me with other people. Why? Because who I am in Spain is the person i wanted to become. I’m healthy...and working towards being a better person. A person in glorifying God.

post from the heart

A post from my heart.
Something I need to just express. This may be at the edge of being a journal entry but my heart seems to be conflicted.
I couldn't seem to figure out why I wanted to go home. Some friends in my group have said they are terribly sad to leave. I wondered why because I was so excited to leave. I haven’t had much time to address the issue but I figured out why once the words were vocalized. When I return home my niece or my sobrina will be born. My eyes start to tear up. I assume many reasons why my eyes tear...and then it hits me. Or more so, it sits right beside me like it will till the day I die. My mom won’t be there and neither will I until the 31st. How angry I get at..the air...for that. How much she is needed. I want my brother to have her there because I know I won’t have her there either. She needs to be there.

I experienced so much in Spain. I saw history and felt it at my finger tips. I brushed up against a Roman construction. I stepped into 3095729370 cathedrals and saw Jesus presented in so many different ways. I heard the words of Spanish enter my ears and then out of my mouth. I kissed in Spain and then became friends. I learned to love to go shopping and never knew I liked it so much. My lips tasted sidra from Asturtias and the cheeses that tingle your tongue. I tried with endless attempts to communicate in Spanish with a Spaniard that knew no English. I became friends with people that I hope I never lose contact with.

I feel too much at times. I get stressed out easily. Though Spain, my Spain experience, has taught me to go against that. Lead with reason. Stress gets no one to no place. I wonder at times if I have changed enough for my friends and family back home to realize. I want it so bad to be noticed because when I left...I didn’t enjoy that person much.
I know though that “communicationaly” I’m drenched, exhausted, ringed out of...it. Everyday I struggle with expressing myself in Spanish fully. I have too many pride issues. If I can’t say it right...I won’t say it at all. I’m so dumb sometimes. Though I am trying to get over that. It will help a lot next spring I suppose.

Tomorrow marks tres dias. The biggest concern I honestly have on my mind is how to pack. Where do I fit the gifts? The sidra for christmas and the wine for my dad. Or how about the clothes I bought myself? I’m not sure. (this has changed but I still thought I would include it)

But where does God fit in all of this? I’m craving an embrace by him. I’m craving an american church. I really am. The frustrating thing about this trip is not being able to understand the things that I really need. Like church services or doctors...Though love comes in different forms. I can sense it or I can even feel it. The arm, the shoulder or the smile that says everything.

The other day I thought I needed comfort from human being. I thought they would have all the right answers in the way they touched me or talked to me. I believed that nothing could go wrong or be wrong with this concept. I noticed I started to put them before God. Before God’s comfort. I noticed I was being selfish. My friend heard terrible news the other day and here I was sinning. Putting doubts on God. Sometimes I think that since I am so far away from the States...I am also so far away from God. Not true. He is always as close as my own heart beat.
Though from all of this I have come to the conclusion of what I am about to share next.

Today I noticed that I need a woman figure in my life. Someone to put energy and care into my life like my mom did. I need that example. Just someone to point to that scripture of truth. Out of complete impulse I applied for a Mentor at my College. As the days go by I notice the changing of the colors. The leaves have turned and fallen. The weather changes and we adapt to what it is. Extra layers, an umbrella, and warm foods and drinks. As my days change, I need to start adapting to it. I need to start ingesting those warm words and warm guidance. I need a spiritual leader again.

I have gotten a lot closer to my dad from the past summer and the time I have been out of the states. He has taught me a lot but not as much as my mom would. Well, I haven’t learned it from a woman’s perspective.

This trip I have been on has taught me a very solid thing. People that have no relation to you can become your family. They can guide you and be with you. They can even love you like their own. Of course you might feel a different connection with your family but maybe its time to let walls down. After being at Calvin and now being in Spain, I have learned that. Its simple but oh so precious. I hoping that the decisions I start making now will reflect this relationally.

I always talk about what I need or what God showed me...or how I want to change. It is important to tell you why. If you are reading this and have read my other blogs and my other writings. You know then that I have been on a big journey. Discovering myself and maturing. I talk a lot about what I need to do and also what God has shown me because I want to help others. I want to be qualified to help others. To listen to sorrow and listen to joys. I want to be there for the weak and there for the strong. I want to bestow God’s love on them. I want to share my journey...my life...my will with others. Maybe to be an example or to show that we all struggle. That I certainly keep on sinning. I pray for my life to be an influence on the people around me. To direct them to the Father. I don’t always practice this I have to admit. I’m trying. I have 4 days left here. Trying to make the most of it. Take care.

12-12-11...second to last Spain posting.

  I have these mixed emotions about leaving. I feel that once I step off that plane into San Diego...my life is forever changed. I will be forever changed. I can't even remember myself 3 1/2 months ago. Why? Because life has turned from viewing it so vast and long to so short and explorable. I feel as though I can see into the future, somewhat. Some call it growing up...I call it realizing again and again that actions, words, and choices have consequences or certain outcomes. Like the last kiss you gave...was is just a goodbye or was it something more than that? Did you realize that maybe it was just for comfort rather than a form of a greeting.
  These months seemed like a incubation container. Putting 18 people in the incubation of Spain. Will some hang close together for warmth or will some find their own warmth or will others hatch. This sounds like a far fetched analogy but watching my group form as been interesting. Some of us and most of us clung to each other. Others searched for spanish friends...some blossomed in Spanish without knowing it.
  I'm in my last days here and I am ready to see family and friends. Though I'm deeply sad to go. Sad to never see this place again or that being a huge possibility. I sit here trying my best to studying my two exams. How I ache to be in the library where once you enter...it could be hours till you step outside. I need that solid or maybe that familiar escape from reality. I feel like I am being split into half. I yearn to be home for Christmas and still get the hang out Christmas without my Mom. Though I also yearn to stay here and maybe alone, apart from my American friends. Every time I talk to someone from the States, they always say how much they miss me and cannot wait till I am home. I listen to them and I yearn for them to say it.
  Secretly I wish Spain wasn't a plane ride away. I wish it was a drive, a roadtrip. Though it wouldn't be the same Spain I know now. I remember first getting ready to come here. Someone mentioned it is a lot like the States. Just because they speak Spanish doesn't mean they live like South America. I took that to the file cabinet in my mind. Stored it away and hoped I would see Spain in my own eyes. And then I started to realize they were right...though they weren't as Westernized as South America as become. Their Spanish was different and when (and if) they spoke English it had a British accent to it. Although, I saw and heard their conceptions of the West...and it all comes from our TV shows, movies, and who is our president at the time. They knew of what our prom was...our yellow school buses...our burgers...the music we listen to...and our forefathers, who really aren't as old as we thought.
  I'm sure once I get back to the States I'll have this strange form of culture shock. Driving from the airport to my house...noticing the change in landscape and the smell in the air. Being consuming by the noises and the mass amounts of English being spoken. I think hearing English everywhere will be the most shocking.
  Right now I apologize for being horrible at texting and calling. I'm going to be completely bad at getting back to people. Don't be a fended if I turn off my phone from the numerous texts and calls.
  This might be my last entry though I hope to post another towards the end of the week or the weekend. I will recall on last adventures. Most likely be tearing up while writing the last posting.
  I'll surely miss this place...specially my host mom who recently handed me a bar of chocolate to help me study. :] wowzers.



  I didn't write about the hike we took last Saturday. So I'll briefly mention it. We took glass cable cars up to the top. The walk down took us app. 3 hours to get down. It was so cold the first 2 hours and more of the hike. On the way back from the hike I asked Anne if she had a good day. She said she had a great day and then asked me. I said it was alright. I think I was phased by how much I'm going to miss these kinds of hikes. Seeing these things almost every other week...I also felt pretty phased by the fact that these group of friends I have share Spain in common with me. We share this experience together. Though when we get to Calvin we will go back to our groups of friends...I hope we stay in immediate contact because I have grown to love each one even if I talk to more than others. We have a bond.
  I think this week I'll pray...I'll pray for study breaks...people breaks...life breaks...spanish breaks. For experiences like this to never be forgotten.

P.S. This is Nicole...pretty amazing person.

Barcaaaa!

This trip to Barcelona...

   Since I have time on my hands than most of group on the trip, I thought I could write my blog a bit more developed. I usually write it has a free write. Just going by what is off the top of my head or what I have been feeling for the past week or so. 

As I seat on a bus with my fellow companions, sleep is at the utmost importance to me for several reasons. To keep up with everyone else when we have rest stops, to get better most importantly, and I’m plainly tired as hell. The trip to Barcelona from Oviedo is around 12 hours so there is plenty of opportunities to sleep, or so I thought. The seats are so incredibly uncomfortable. When my dad got surgery on his shoulder, my brother Britt and I had brought him and waited for him. It was the longest day I have experienced. I fell asleep on a stone bench for an hour or two. These chairs have a similar feel to them as the stone bench did. 

   I’m at aw that I can come on this trip. Seriously, all of those who have been praying for my strength...thank you. I have been reading articles, talking to people, and listening to spanish versions of what mono is. Being in a foreign country puts a stress on becoming more knowledgable on whatever virus you have. One thing I haven’t been doing is receiving a lot of hugs. Thursday night my friend Mag got a gig at a bar to play some songs. It was my first outing in a week and seeing mostly everyone in a long time. People were ecstatic to see me but weren’t to hug me. It put a weird feeling on my heart though I understood why. 

   Although, one person that seems to not be afraid and more into making me feel alright is Mag. He made me bean ‘n cheese burritos, his Mama made me various things, bought me juice, and made me feel...alright. People’s characters show through when you are sick and when you are miles upon miles away from home. And so does your character, show through. Thursday was the first day were I was ready to go home. Sick of being sick. Mad that I had to feel this way in Spain and especially in Barcelona. (I’m starting to think this blog might be a bit longer than the rest...haha) 

From the feelings I was exerting....I asked if Kelyn wanted to skype the night before I left. She mentioned something that I would like to share. Nothing personal just huge factors for this entry. She said that I am never content whatever I go. First in SD, then in Michigan, and now in Spain. I told her she has a point and then I couldn’t figure out why I kept feeling this discontentment. I figured it out on the bus today. I miss people. Extraño a mis amigos. I want to be a thousand places at once and I can’t. For thanksgiving I wanted to be in Spain, California, and Wheaton, Illinois. I’m not content with a letter, a skype date, or some kind of facebook chat. Something I need to work on and something I will work on. 

  I pray to God that I can survive this Barcelona trip. If keeping up with everyone on some excursions is hard...how will 5 days be? We will see and I’ll update as much as I can. And we are finally here...feels like the first week of Spain. 

  We settled in our hostel which looks like some sort of boot camp for the young. Bunk beds, shared bathrooms and showers, and a sink in the room. I kinda like it. Though it makes me feel a lot younger than I am. This entire trip has made me felt a lot younger. I really don’t like it. I don’t want to get any older but I really do not want to get any younger. I’ve found my ideal age.

We took a night tour of the city and I survived. 

   I didn’t have time to put in miniature entires as the days went by. It was because I started to feel a lot better by the second full day we were there. God healed me. I’m still a bit tired through out the day but I’m not complaining one bit about it. It was truly amazing to see how God healed me slowly. The thing about God when He shows His face is that you don’t realize it tell after the matter. Slowly he comes through...like when the sun comes up and all of sudden it is daylight. 

    Barcelona...a place where I would love to live. From being in spain for over 3 months, I have come to learn that I enjoy the bigger cities than the farmland. The people and the sounds are just so abundant and breath taking. One thing that was incredibly annoying, was how if you went to buy anything...the clerks spoke English. Clear English. When I came back last night to my host family. It took me a bit longer to understand what my host mom was talking about. And she defiantly took a notice to that. 

As the days come to an end here...I’m starting to feel torn. Staying would be amazing. Leaving would also be amazing. I tend to find out that I am more of a relation person then ever before. I miss people rather than location. I used to think that the reason why I couldn’t move to Illinois after school was because there would be no beach, Mexican food, or sun. That isn’t the case...I would miss people that have made me the place I call home. So has the thought of moving to the mid-west cross my mind? It has and it keeps crossing my mind. Will Oviedo be a home also? The people I met do they make my home here? 

   The Barcelona memories will be with me forever. The postcards and Barcelona jersey will hopefully be in my possession for awhile. The choices I made on the trip will hopefully resonate with me. I hope to never lose site of what I was taught here in Spain. I almost quite writing my blog in the first month because it seemed more of a hassle then an enjoyable task. I mentioned it to my brother and he told...don’t you want to remember? To go back and be able to look back? I agreed and proceeded with my writings. I am so glad I did because I wouldn’t want to forget this time here. I have grown. The sickness I had might of been a terrible experience but it had to happen and I am glad God let it happen. 

Mono? Lord, really? otayy

So going to my last post...plans have def. changed. For the past 4 days now I have been in bed. I have been in bed sleeping, hacking up nasty stuff, and watching TV shows. Not to mention the insane sore throat I have. When I am alert I spend my time on Facebook or conversing with someone online. That idea of taking hold of Oviedo hasn't really worked out.
I went to the doctor yesterday and waited 4 hours. Let me explain the experience. I finally get into contact with my Prof. I have to meet her at the autobus station for some reason. So with me being half dead I asked my friend to walk me there. My Prof and I take the bus there. Get off and are completely lost...
We finally find the Emergency room. At first it was a totally breeze getting admitted. I started to think this was awesome. As we took the green line that lead us to the...WAITING room. One reason why I can't stand hospitals. They then again asked me questions and took my blood pressure. In the meanwhile my Prof is translated everything for me. Even though the nurse spoke English. She was so sweet. I loved her. I really did because she made me feel comfortable and at ease.
Then the thing that I dreaded. They took my blood...I've had blood drawn before but holy crap they took so much. Then I got an IV drip to top it off. Which in fact made me feel the best I had felt in days. After that I sat with my Prof listening to The American Story podcast. An hour later they brought me to this room that I swear could of been a interrogating room. A bit weird. Then she dropped the news...mono.
My world shacked for a bit because I knew exactly what it meant...me doing nothing for days on end. Finally we left after 4 hours.
I talked to my brother Blake and my dad that night. And my dad gave me some daunting news to my world. If I don't feel better as in better, than I did Sunday, Barcelona wasn't an option. My last excursion through the beauties of Spain. He also said it might be wise to stay home during January...I almost cried. Weird but I miss Calvin and in January I had some many things going. Two classes, my job back, and living in a house with out my dad for the first time.
So what is God trying to say? I'm not really sure at all. I'm confused. But this is life and he has it in his hands.
For this week. My plan of action. Is to sleep the whole day. Or least try. I'm terrible at sleeping in the day for long periods of time. And drinking tons of water. I currently possess a 1.5L water bottle. Drinking that baby twice a day or even more. My body will wake myself up to get a drink...its insane. I will most likely lose a bunch of weight. I haven't had coffee or soda sense last Wednesday. I haven't smoked a cig in over a week. Maybe this is God's way of telling me how insanely horrible my way of taking care of my body was wrong. I wouldn't doubt it one bit. As I proceed to get better...that will be my "motto".
I also have this terrible time of letting people take care of me other than my mom. I honestly taking care of so well by my mom when I was sick. It was like the all knowing mom syndrome. She would ask a question like, "would you like scrabbled eggs? That would make you feel better, uh?" And of course she was right. She took care of my body better than I did.
With the things changing at snap...I have to proceed to a healthier me for many reasons.
So my readers, pray that I feel better soon. Pray for my host mom has this might not be easy on her. Also, I hope to see my States readers soon. :]

So this last month I'm taking a hold of Oviedo and saying yes to God.

Tomorrow I reach my last month here. My last weeks. I have already planned out and sketched out what I will be doing. There are some gaps but gaps are healthy. With this last stretch of Spain I have some decisions to make.

How will I react, feel, what will I want, do, in these last weeks? Shall I stay in this contact mode with people in the states? Or will I again get consumed by Oviedo. I'm picking Oviedo for various of reasons. I'm stepping back from this constant mode of contact with people. I'm honestly exhausted by it. I want more than a chat with you and more than a smile from you.
The only person that I tend to come away from it in a more content feeling is my Dad. I know he will always be there. I look forward to skyping him once a week. In fact I'll cancel things to just talk to him. He is home.

Other people either make me feel sad inside or are just plain not in contact with me. So in this last month I'm refraining from the usual stock on facebook. The logging into facebook chat is now coming to an end. Giving a healthy separation from the other world I seem to be craving.
To be honest with you blog readers...I'm tired of trying to skype or get into contact with ones that seem to more than 9 or 6 hrs behind me. They seem to be more like weeks behind me.

This last month is my month. My month to get my fill of what God can still teach me here. This thing called internet is beginning to be annoying and destroying my ability to fully be captivated by Spanish.
Today I woke up this morning and got ready. I found myself with 20 minutes left to despair. I was overjoyed because I knew what I wanted to do with that time and that was to pray. I feel like in those 20 minutes I prayed for my needs and everyone else I could think of. I prayed for more nerve to just speak spanish to my host mom. I did just that tonight at dinner. And for 10 minutes we held this crazy bond that I never knew could happen. We related.

In that moment I knew I have changed. I knew in my demeanor I have changed...I knew in my character that I have changed. I knew in my thought process I have changed. Some know this and others don't. I used to be really depressed and I had no idea what to do about it but just die in it. Now I feel as though that person is far gone. It is like I am on top of the mountains in Los Picos de Europa and at the bottom, in the valley, is the old me.

I don't know how life works but I do know that once you take a hold of it and say yes to God...it's simply breath taking. So this last month I'm taking a hold of Oviedo and saying yes to God.

Picos de Europe

This weekend...
I think it was a break through. Everything I seemed to be striving for felt victorious this weekend. I'll explain.

I went to Picos de Europe in Covadonga. This small city is so important to Spain because this is where the Reconquest started. Amazing huh? Well, that was just a side story for some reference I suppose. Anyways, we took two hikes...one on Saturday and the other on Sunday. The two hikes were drastically different...

After we got done with the first hike the people I was with got separated from the rest of the group. We had no idea where they went. The location of where we were is also very secluded so there isn't a store just a few restaurants that close quite earlier. My friends and I were so hungry, mainly because we thought there was going to be a store there where we could buy us some food. There wasn't. We started looking for a place to eat but there was nothing. We called someone in the other group and they gave us vague directions...To put our emotions in more into perspective. We walked around dirty, hungry, and tired in the talk for an hour. All are not good combinations. Most of us, or all of us...were quite frustrated and angry towards some people in the other group for not waiting for us or calling us to tell us where they were. When we finally got to the restaurant that was open...the guy who worked there said it was closed.
I started to feel so angry and almost tormented. My past response to this would be cussing or getting so enraged...I tried to cuss. The words felt so unbearably foreign to my tongue. Like I tasted soap in my mouth. Then I knew that all this work I have been doing myself was paying off. God gave me this weird reward. A distaste for the common way society says I should react.

Saturday night I was so excited to sleep. I was going to sleep in a big bed with E.B. The night seemed so incredibly needed. The night came to sleep and E.B was sick. She coughed the whole night...not fun for sleeping, for the both of us. I found myself rubbing her back in my half a sleep state. We slept through my alarm. As soon as I woke...I knew there was breakfast for me downstairs in the hotel we stayed in. My friends this hotel was gorgeous and one of a kind.

The view from outside

Quickly I put on some clothes and came down to a fantastic breakfast. All I could think was..."THANK YOU GOD...for providing endless cups of coffee." We took a cab to our central and starting point of our hike. The hike took in totally 6 to 7hrs. 

There was this point in the hike that I thought I had enough and was so ready to give up. In my past behavior I would of put on some type of attitude showing I was hurting and had enough. I would of basically acted as a brat. I felt it coming on and quickly I just shouted to Anne that I needed some encouragement. She shouted back in a prayer to God. How perfect was that! I was so completely thankful for that moment. By the time we reached our destination, God defiantly showed His power and His might. He even gave me the encouragement to reach the top and actually see over the top. At the top the winds were well over strong. If I didn't keep a good stance at come points I would of fallen down the hill...because of the wind. At first I was so scared. I'm scared of heights....and no one knows this but I am about to tell the world I guess...I'm more terrified of strong winds. I remember when I was in elementary and the Santa Ana winds would come, I would be so scared that they would knock down a tree or something. I told my mom this when I was little and she told me, "me too." (secrets are just exploding out on here, haha) So I was terrified, SO scared. I almost didn't even go look. Though I felt a pull on my heart to see it and an embrace that I cannot explain but just say God. I put my backpack somewhere safe and went. I saw God's glory reign high. I felt and heard His breath of the wind all around me. I saw the colors of Fall and the mighty rocks that held up the mountain. Nothing was so terrifying and beautiful. I really couldn't stand the mixture. Because it made me so overwhelmed. It was like God had revealed Himself in an entirely different way. 

May I remind you that if you looked down...it was straight down.

This weekend was exhausting and I am still tired from it. It was more needed than I knew. To think that God will still be as amazing as that experience or even better, is more than words can say. I'm blessed.

I have to tweak a few things here and there.

Coming to Spain I thought I would be around Spaniards all the time and quickly learn the language. Both of those are false. The second one is sad but the first one isn't. I have met so many different kinds of people here that I suddenly get impressed by God's beauty once again.
I've lately learned that my personality expresses a non-caring attitude. Sometimes I don't understand how people can come up with that and times I understand. Some say I have developed a lot of fake relationships or in another words a lot of non deep relationships. I have to disagree. Though I have to agree.
I have lost site of whats important time to time because my focus gets distracted in so many directions. My gaze gets pulled on myself a lot. I hate that about myself. I truly just despise it. I wish at times I could be less conceited in my life. To have my eyes open wider around me, instead of having my eye lides closed. To have a gaze on the world and the people around me. I'm I think most of time I present my thoughts or questions to or about people like an ice berg. I only unleash the tip while there is so much underneath the water. Don't ask me why because at times I have no idea why.
Getting to know an entirely different culture and little cultures mixed in makes you look at yourself. Look at yourself and see what's missing or what's in check. I often forget that people are your best mirrors in life. They show you your outside as well as your inside. It's important to take advantage of that. To really pull at that. Because chances are they tend to know you better than you know yourself. We think that we are so...connected with ourselves but that is so false.
The best mirror I have had is God. The more I get to know Him, the more he starts to point out all these things that I thought were so right about myself. Although, unexpectedly he shows you great things about yourself that you never saw....your potential. What your worth is...Your identity...
I'm not sure how honest I should be with blogs. At times I could tell my life story and other times I don't know if it is appropriate. I'm becoming more private and it seems to be more of a daily thing. I'm not saying anything tell someone asks. Weird but I'm not sure where it is coming from. I'm growing up? I'm tired of people seeing my burdens? I don't know and at times I don't care. I hope I figure out the happy medium soon.
I'm getting anxious here...to be on the move again. though I know I should be content. In Deciembre we are going to Barcelona for the first time. I am so excited and I wish it could come sooner. Though once it does...the trip is almost over. My gaze is either on myself or in the future. I have to tweak a few things here and there.

this is my rant.

I often wonder how I would view life if I viewed it with out the God I know. I would see rain fall after a drought. I would see words in my life like fate, destiny, or coincidence. How I would see good and bad, if I would see them as different substances. I'm not sure to be honest. Though I do know sometimes I wish I could think with those words because life is hard. Actually, let me restate that. God is a hard concept to believe in or keep on believing at times. Life would maybe be viewed a bit simpler or maybe it would be viewed more confusing. As my days in Spain add up...I'm dreading the thought of getting on plane to go back to the States. Although, there are moments in my day where I wish I just had something American or maybe one of my friends or family members here. I'm not sure you can call that homesickness or not. Why? I often wonder what it would be like if I put some roots down here. I think I am afraid of settling too much because I don't want to leave too soon. This thought process as developed a bit into homesickness or maybe some type of boredom. Now where does this view of life come in? No matter where you are and no matter who you are, there is going to be some problems. Some things will pop up and surprise you.
God has surprised me on this expedition. He is chiseling away things and cutting out some of the habits I have made. And it hurts a lot to the point where I wish I could yell at Him...slam the door and then come back in 30 minutes for a hug. During this "procedure" God has answered one of my continuous prayers. A season of rest from chaotic events in my life. The past 4 years have been tough and grueling. It was as though 50 million things were tapping my heart and I was always connected to them. I couldn't breathe or feel the warmth of comfort because it was too cold. Since after my mom's death I prayed a prayer after each time a bad thing would happen. For rest for more than a day and more than week...at least one month MY GOD. I didn't expect him to answer it while I have been in Spain.
Though always be careful when you ask for rest...you can be tempted to wonder around in the new freedom. Do a little exploring.
I had another conversation meeting today. I hate to call it meeting because its too much fun to say that. My partner is really great and this time our meeting was like meeting up with a friend. We spoke first in English. I'm pretty sure we exceeded the time limit for English. I discovered some things about him that could be coincidence or it could be ( and I think it it) God working at play. I didn't expect for him to tell me what he told me. That his mom passed away from a battle of 12 years. I won't go into it because it isn't my information to share with the world.
But that right there meant a lot...it was insightful about who he was. Brave for him to say. He spoke of faith a bit and that is why I brought up fate, destiny, or coincidence.
By chance is something I want to stay far from. By coincidence I want to stay even farther away. I did not get here by chance, I did not get this conversation partner by chance, and I am not in Spain because it worked out. I was placed here. If I believe in chance...I'm afraid that I would have a hard time trusting people or really living life. I wouldn't want to "be in control" of it. Not because I'm lazy or pathetic but because I do not have the power or strength to do that. I would mess up way too much.

this is my rant.

Reflect on the mundane in Spain

Today I had my first "sleep through class" and tandum sessions. Tandum? You ask...Well its like conversation partners. We speak 30 minutes solely in spanish and then 30 minutes solely in english. My partner contacted me in emails and facebook. His grammar and the way he expressed himself, was really excellent. That excellence gave me a very nervous feeling. My spanish still is lower than low. I was dreading this session more than anything. After a successful day of shopping might I say, I went to our meeting place. Like most Spaniards, he dressed nice and was quite cute. If the conversation was poor at least it wasn't a waste of my time. The conversation was primarily about school, Oviedo, and what Fran is doing for school/career. I sometimes don't give myself enough credit and this was one of those times. When I knew exactly what I wanted to say, I could say it in Spanish. I could comprehend most of what Fran said.
I'm not sure why I get so nervous about somethings. I wish I could just go with it. Take a leap and just do it. Instead I hole back...
Boo! on holding back. I will try for the rest of my trip to get myself out there and speak this wonderful language. To live it like a Spaniard.
A typical Spaniard evening on the weekend is like this: Eat dinner around 10. Go out with friends and drink until late in the morning...6am. Eat breakfast and then sleep. Sometimes if you have school the next day, you just go on into school instead of sleeping. Hah wow. I guess Calvin senors do something called a Bar Crawl event. They go to 7 different bars in evening. It starts at 4pm and goes to 2am. When I heard that, I laughed out loud. I think Spaniards would too. It begins during seista time! How could you do that?
Anyways, for most of you reading this...I know a few are family and the rest are my good friends. I've gotten drunk yet or lost my "way". I have been good and I plan I staying that way.
Spain is still treating me quite well. The weather has been great. Apparently this is very atypical weather for them. It is usually cold and raining. Its been sunning almost every single day that I have been here. So happy for that. I couldn't really imagine being in for so long. I'm dreading Grand Rapids' January.
So many things are going to happen after this excursion. At times it is hard to keep my mind in the present. I keep on getting reminded of it...not my difficultly...but that I should keep my mind in the present. Of how important it is. tomorrow will mark the "half-way" point. The thoughts in my head make it seem like I will be here way longer than I actually will be. I'm stricken with grief at that thought. I do not want to be bound by time here. I hate being rushed to see certain things or be certain places. So annoying to me. I want to experience things as they come.
I hope that I can still take every moment as my own or my it my own. Sounds weird but you can easily be in a moment and feel like you are just watching it play out.

Its nice to find a somebody who can be with and not have the need to say a single word.

Its been a intense week in Oviedo. A lot more personal stuff going on. Its hit the point where once I get to October, my study abroad is half way done. I'm starting to get the missing feeling in my heart. It may be that its Breast Cancer Awareness month and at the end of the month its my Mom's 4 year anniversary. I caught some kind of gross cold to add to it. I usually begin to miss my dad, then my brothers, then my friends. I am at the point where I miss my friends...not good.
So what I do to attack this missing throb in my soul? I clean. I literally swiped and dusted my room. I'm more like my mom then I ever thought. Its strange because when she was alive, I thought I was vastly different from her. I couldn't even be related to her. But as the days and now the years go by...I'm noticing how similar I am to her. And how people don't even realize it.
I can see as I get older how balanced my genes are from my Father and my Mother. My anxiety stems from my Dad and my easiness to sleep through the night with no anxiety stems from my Mom. I'm thinking of writing her letter...telling her about this trip. I don't know though. I want to send it. Send it away to someone who will read it. That someone should be someone I know. But maybe not too well or maybe very well.
I wonder if she would be freaking out at the fact that I am in a foreign country for so many months. I can just see her tears now as I boarded that plane. Is this what life is going to be from now on, me wondering what and how my mother would of acted to my grandiose excursions? I think so...the nice thing is, its all positive fantasies of what would of happened.
My host mom has started to be more and more comfortable with me being around. She puts her arms around my shoulders when she thinks something is funny. Talks to me about all the political things and the music she likes. I can understand the things she says but its so difficult because I can't express myself fully. I feel like a 5 year old.
Yesterday, Anne and I went to the park to do homework and relax. We both have been feeling sick so it was a perfect afternoon. We fell asleep underneath the shade and woke up to eat snacks. It was a beautiful afternoon. I drank a beer and she drank a diet coke. We watched the Spaniards come to park, lay their towel down, and take their tops off to bask in the sun. The norms here are quite different but also exciting. Its interesting how women are comfortable to take their tops off next to old men and the like. Anyways, the afternoon was pretty silent. Its nice to find a somebody who can be with and not have the need to say a single word. You can be content in your thoughts and in the presence of another.
I'm intrigued for the rest of the month and next two months. Why? Because this is my life and I am enjoying it. I feel unproductive most days but I will change that by giving myself homework. Other than that life here is great. I keep on thinking to myself that I could settle here. The life isn't mundane though neither is it go go go go all the time. I'm experiencing life in a whole new way and I hope to take some these habits I learn here and bring them to my life in the states.

canoes, caves, and the like

Got this picture offline but here is a visual taste of my day.

Saturday was a day that I hope I never forget for the rest of my days on Earth. I can say that saw and did things, I thought I would never do in my life. Or even on this trip alone. Saturday we journeyed to a city called Ribadesella. Here we canoed down this river for about 3-4hrs. My partner was excellent. We are both competitive so that certainly keep us moving through the river. The only thing that did suck that day was that I didn't bring my camera due to the fact that I was in a canoe most of the trip. It was so fantastic to experience. Surprisingly I didn't come out of it too sore. Which is such a plus.

After we got to our destination, we quickly showered and changed. Walked for about 5 to 10 minutes. Entered a cave that will never forget for the life of me. The cave is called Tito Bustillo Cueva. I'm pretty sure I learned about this cave in Art History 101. Saying that, this experience meant so much to me. The caves were founded in 1968. Inside the cave are late Paleolithic cave paintings. The cave is covered with paintings although we only saw a few paintings. 

It wasn't this well lite but still amazing

I saw something that is older than you and you and you and the oldest person you know. Its older than anything you will ever know. I sat amazed...or stood amazed.

I have been hearing him ever since I prayed that prayer

Everyday my attitude changes and evolves into something different. I am loving Spain and specially the city that I am in. I have hit some little road blocks but really nothing major. Tuesday we started Spanish classes and it was scary but so great. I have classes 2hrs a day, 5 days a week. Its like taking an interim class every month. My Profe is quite amazing. He speaks a little English in the class since there are some students in my class that have never taken a Spanish course in their life. Though, very soon the class will be solely in Spanish. Today was probably one of the better days. Every day is great but today was just so amazing. Went to class and on Thursday and Fridays I only have Spanish. After class my friends and I hung out for a bit until it was time to go home for lunch. Once I got to my piso, flat, I noticed that I left my keys and my iPod at school! I quickly called my friend Mag up. He lives closer to school than I do. He saved my life at that point. My possessions were found and by that time I just decided to go out for lunch. Had this lovely meal with Mag and Hannah. The waitress kept laughing at us because we weren't being too clear in what wanted...our Spanish is still muy mal. After lunch I met up with some friends and Profe Slagter to find some books.
All I wanted was a Spanish workbook because in my Spanish class there is no homework since we meet every day for 2 hours. I didn't find anything I liked and to be honest I was irritated for some reason. I just wanted more time by myself looking at the books. But I couldn't get that since I was with a bunch of other people. So I decided to wait. To hold off and see if I liked anything else in the day. I ended up buying a sketch book. I haven't really been drawing. I just fell out of it. For some reason I get discouraged in my drawing.
The next store we went to our group downsized...and in this children's book store I found something. The Lion, the Witch, and Wardrobe in Spanish. Something so familiar to me becoming strangely different. My excitement in me rose. I haven't really been connecting excitement with Spanish. I have no idea why. But my learning to read this book gave me the excitement I needed.


What God has been teaching me.
A lot of times life for me involving God is like cracking a code. I have this problem. I need to solve it. I can solve it two ways. What my flesh wants and then what the holy spirit wants. I seem to crack the code before I even understand it myself. Once I do, I can feel the Reign of God flooding down on me. I feel the warmth of His hug and the strength in His voice has He tells me, "You've done well, faithful servant." I have had the chance many times this week to look back on what Christianity looks like from afar...the terminology is strange, the church attendance seems too much, the commitment is exhausting, it seems like a lot of work just for some God, and its a religion. I have also had the chance to express why I believe in a God. Also the chance to question why I keep to my faith. I am so thankful for the experience. I didn't think God would test me as much as he is right now. I thought it was going to be a struggle for me to keep faith in God here. I thought I was going to grow as a good person but not in my faith. I thought I was going to be drunk a lot. I thought Spain was a time away from "real" life. That is not AT ALL what my experience has been like. So DRASTICALLY different. I feel alive in different country unlike I do in the States.
When my Mother wasn't too sick yet, I prayed to God to test me. I prayed to Him to test me in a way that I would fall more for him. That he would chisel away the disgusting things in my being. That I would become his masterpiece.
                                [I haven't thought about that prayer again until today.]
This morning when I thought about it, I cried. I cried tears of happiness. I felt the chiseled pieces on the ground. I felt the smooth parts of my heart and also felt the roughness that is still being worked on. In bible study people have been talking about how the heard God...also in youth group last week. I was stunned...THEY HEARD GOD! LIKE THAT!?!?! I WANT TO TOO! How dumb of me...I have been hearing him ever since I prayed that prayer. The love of God is swallowing me up and I want all of you to see it.

pride tearing down

Lately, I have been learning a lot. One thing that I seem to be learning to the core is my issue with pride. I'm so prideful. I'm prideful in the things I know and even in the things I think I know. I'm a hurricane of bullshit. I flaunt the things I think I know and make sure people know that I know them. Being Spain I am the international now. A very good portion of my friends are internationals. Whether that be from Korea or from Latin America. I also live extremely close to Mexico in my home town. Most of my friends speak spanish. I remember freshman year I would flaunt my knowledge about culture. I would look at internationals in a different way. That we share some sense of similarities. There are some things but really not enough to have some deep connection. 

Not only do I hold pride in my knowledge and cultural "savvy" knowledge but also in toughness. I have been through a lot, seen things, and experienced a lot of horrible situations. If not in emotional life experiences then in playing some intense sport. I'm prideful in my aggressiveness. I'm not sure where this all comes from. Its not genetic though I do know my Brother, Britton, and I share it. 

Lately, my pride has been stripped down. Ever day it seems like my pride is being stripped from my bones. Anne Banyai has been a huge contributor. She has seen my pride and has been putting a mirror to my face, showing my behavior. Though, just being an international now I can certainly sympathize with the ones at Calvin. Or with whom as ever been one. I'm only here for 4 months but the feeling that you are different sometimes gets overwhelming. At times I can certainly feel it back home in San Diego but thats where I was born and I have a sense of "this is my turf too!" Here I'm one who sticks out just from my appearance. If not my appearance, which I doubt, then my horrible spanish. When people ask where our group is from, I instantly confess that I am from California not Michigan. 

Today we hiked to the Cristo that over looks all of Oviedo. I heard it is the 3rd largest Cristo in the world. It was a huge hike but so worth it. I'm different then a lot of people here in Spain. Sometimes its point out a lot more than other times. Whenever I meet a Christian here, its an immediate connection. The weight of language being a barrier suddenly drops when we worship together. I stand out in a different way here in Spain. A way that I hate. In my group I try to stand out because I hate looking all the same and I hate being the American group. A foreign country will never change where I was born though it will change my outlook on life. 

So I want to say sorry to people that I may have made them felt inferior to me. I want to say sorry to the international people at Calvin. I had no idea what I was talking about. Or what I was actually relating myself to. 

Though the thing about Spain is that its so European. I hear so much Spanish every single day. I sometimes wish I was doing this study abroad in Latin America or even Mexico. 

Is this real life?

As the days seem to pass by like an hour elapsing in the day, I can't seem to understand how I got to Spain. I began my journey a little over three weeks ago. It feels like a week ago I was on the Californian soil soaking in the rays of the sun. Dreaming of Spain and the adventures I will soon be having. I was thinking of all the stressful situations and all the exciting times mixed into one. When the trip first started I didn't pay enough attention to God at all. I was consumed by Spain and by the fact that I was so tired. I slept instead of praying or reading the Bible or even talking about Him. I was defeated by my flesh. I felt the repercussions of this once we got into Oviedo. Though the moment I felt like my spirit and heart were not searching anymore was when I was in the park. I stood still when I was suppose to be running. I felt his glory rain on me. Tonight I am suppose to be studying though I think I have exceeded my limit of concentration. What distracts me now is this song

This is what I felt when I looked across the park and experienced God awakening my soul. In Oviedo there is need for prayer. When you pray for me on my study abroad also include Oviedo. Recently, I have been learning a lot about the history of Spain. To be honest I think I know more about Spain now then my own country's history. I can tell you all the main characters who influenced Spain to what it is now. I wonder a lot what I will be like when I come home. There are moments in the day that I wish I was home. I quickly toss those thoughts to the side because I'm doing something that most people will never experience in their lives. I am emerging myself into a culture and trying to learn "them". I'm trying to learn something completely different. Its something that I hope will change me forever.
The before I eat any meal my host mom makes she asks me if I like it. She typically asks right before I even have food on my plate. I'm not sure what to say but I tell her I like it anyways. I am so thankful that God made me a person that is not a picky eater. I eat everything she makes me and I like every thing she makes me. EXCEPT for one time. It turned out to be pretty funny. I came into the kitchen because I wasn't sure if she told me to come to eat or if she would have dinner ready soon. I came in and sat down in the kitchen. In a glass pan she had two fish cut into halves. They were pretty big. She asked me in spanish if I like sardins and then showed the pan. I was about to hurl. I tried my best in my broken spanish that I have never had sardins that big before. Im not sure if I like them or not. She say the expression on my face and quickly got something out of the freezer, fish sticks. Haha I didn't mind them at all. Fish sticks and potatoes. I laughed to myself as ate Spanish fish sticks and watched the HUGE sardins cook in the oven. At times I can't believe I am here because someone is making my bed, cooking for me, doing my laundry, making sure I eat, and cleaning the house. Something I haven't experienced since my mom was healthy. I feel uncomfortable cause I am not sure if I deserve it. I have been so used to doing the laundry, cooking, and cleaning. I'm being taken care of like I was when my mom was alive and healthy. Strange that a place far from home, far from school home, and far from anything familiar can be so familiar. Is this real life? I hope you have that weird little kid from the youtube video in your head. As he says "Is this real life?" in his drugged up manner. Because I feel like laughing when I look at what is unfolding. Not laughing out of disbelief but out of pure joy and excitement.

September 20th

My mind is starting to realize that I am in fact in Spain. Not only I am in Spain but I am living here. My stuff is finally neatly put away and in the places it show be. I know my way home from school and the central meeting place. I know where I should be at certain times. I am living here in Spain. I often think about my international friends from when I was living in the States. The way they acted sometimes or what they talked about seems to come to my mind. Many things I didn't understand or I tried to understand and just couldn't. I think about most is my friend Jin Sung. When she came to the States she barely knew English and now she speaks it so well. I feel like her at times...being lost in a language. My host dad keeps on telling me vocab that I should know. He pronounces it for me instead of repeating it super fast like most people here do. I repeat what he says until I understand what word he is actually talking about. I have feeling that tonight I will be tested on fork, knife, and spoon again. Or should I say tenedor, cuchara, and cuchillo. The man is pretty funny. He sometimes scares me in away because he is so direct. Though I know I will be having solid conversations with him once my spanish gets better. I'm becoming more and more intrigued in this city as the days go by. There is still the awkward and lonely period but today wasn't too bad. 
I took a run with Anne today, though my knee has been killing me lately. I ran by myself to a park close by. My intentions were to do some sprints. But once I stepped foot into the park, God captivated my Heart and I had to just be still. I watched the sun glaze over the rolling hills...grass covering every part. I felt the breeze on my cheek and the voices passing by. This world consumed me. God shook my being and told me to be still. When I was home I would get up soak in God. My devotions would lay in front of me and I would pray out loud to the valley I lived in. Though lately its been hard for me to find that time. To make that time. God knew my thoughts and helped me. I thought about my mom, my new home, and the landscape God provided for me. 
I'm learning the spanish way. I'm learning God is never letting go of me. I'm learning what life is. I'm learning who God is trying to mold me into. I'm learning how to be aware. 

Then This Day Happened

This day...
It was filled with so much and I felt so much. I'm exhausted by it. Here is how the day went. Had my normal 10am class then went to my 12pm. My 12pm is about post colonial and I enjoyed it so much. Its more a theory class then anything else. We talked about being the minority and ethnicity. It was so strange to hear about the Spaniard's experience in this because the majority had never felt singled out. I was amazed but not shocked. We had to get into groups to discuss it. One girl in the group was from Slovakia, two were Spaniards, and then my friend Mag who is korean and then me. Ha our group in itself was minority. I chose to not speak this class period because I wanted to get a feel for the class. The feeling the class gave me was like nothing I had experienced. After class Mag and I went to a Cafateria. We talked about great things. We dug into gay marriage and drugs. Haha, classic conversations, huh? For a moment we talked about my mom because I was eating dessert. For some odd reason I have been missing my Mom more than I would of in the States. Though, it isn't a time consuming missing. It's more like a thought that crosses my mind in the day and then disappears. On the way home I cried a bit. Not because I was really sad or anything but because I would of loved to tell my mom about what I am doing. How independent I am. I wanted to tell her how better I am at conversation and communicating with people. So many grand things. When I got back home lunch was waiting for me. I dove into it and had a great bonding time with my host dad. He taught me some words, even some words I already knew. He kept telling me that the fruit would give you muscles...I'm not sure if I believe him. Then tonight was the first Bible study for the girls. In need of that I was. Talking about the Lord and hearing everyone's frustrations and difficulties just encouraged me. A lot of us deal with this loneliness problem. It hits after lunch. You can only do so much homework. Language is incredibly interesting to me. I would of enjoyed coming home and saying, "My day was great. My class was incredible...it totally suits me. Sorry about coming late for lunch, I lost track of time. But how was your day?" Instead the conversation is more one sided. Them talking in uncontrollable spanish and me speaking in very broken spanish with odd english conjunctions in the mix. I miss talking about my day and talking about someone else's day. I try to get my fill through Facebook but to be honest it just makes it worse. I told Mag last night that I am so excited to take our spanish classes that are in October. Vocab can only get you so far.
Today I decided for sure that I am quitting smoking. My brain already hurts thinking about it to be honest. I love the taste and love the way it feels in my lungs. I like it especially on a cool morning...Oviedo has cool mornings. To be honest I'm not sure why I am quitting.
I came home after Bible study and mi mama says Voy a cocinar pescado. Music to my ears. Finally I get to eat some fish!! I like carne but ah I don't like so much of it. The other day I finally got across to mi mama that I like carne but not has much as I like fish. It was wonderful.
Everything kinda balances out, even though sometimes the bad things can get overwhelming or seem to be bigger than they are. I'm so thankful that I am called Beloved. Without God I don't think I could ever do this trip.

Adjusting...

This is one the most craziest things I have done. I tend to just sign my name to the list and not really know what I am signing up for. It comes from my ability to not pay attention well. Though here I am in Oviedo, Spain. I am in a house that I have never been to and with a family I have never talked to. Only one person in the house speaks fluent English and that is me. I live with a Mama, Papa, and a brother. My brother is 23 and speaks broken english, although he gets yelled at for this since I am suppose to be learning spanish here on out. My mama is so nice and understanding. She speaks slowly for me and makes sure she doesn't disclude me from conversation.
I think I hit a bit of culture shock. Everything is a bit overwhelming. It reminds me of freshmen year in the beginning when no one knows each other and the entire campus is so unfamiliar. Though here is in spain I am dealing with an entirely different culture then I have ever experienced. I'm so yearning to hear from home which to be honest I have never quite had that before. Communicating with my host family is an absolute chore. A lot of blank stares and laughs can sum it up nicely. I feed off conversation or touch from people. Either we are talking or we are close to each other and not talking. In spain there isn't much hugging or touching for that matter.
Though the night is simply contagious for me. I enjoy the night so much more...I'm getting back into my late night tendencies which is ideal for the spanish life. I have a feeling this is the null period for me. getting past this will be interesting to overcome.

reflections...

When we arrived in Granada I was taken back. The city had this entirely different energy to it then the last cites we have been going to. I was overwhelmed and for the first time I experienced a bit of culture shock. Culture shock for two reasons. One was because the buildings were so close to each other and there were so many people walking the streets. I have seen huge cites and have been among the crowd of city surfers, but because the buildings were so tightly together it felt more busy. The city was alive and my heart was being rebooted. The tranquility was being disturbed in my body. 

Second, I saw one of my friends from high school roaming the streets. I don’t know him anymore though I did awhile ago. But it was insane seeing him there. That feeling gave me culture shock because in my mind he wasn’t suppose to be there. I wasn’t suppose to see other Americans besides the group. 

A bunch of us went out to two bars that night. I’m not sure if liked the bars or not. It was too easy to get something to drink in my mind. Like I was tasting the forbidden fruit. I have had my experiences with alcohol and drinking it, is nothing terribly special in my mind. Just drinking it not at dinner or at party was different.

When we went to the Albaicin, Alhambra, and Palacios Nazaries I didn’t know what to expect. My body was drained until we entered the Palacios Nazaries. I cannot imagine how it would of been like if the time was set back 100s of years to the past and to walk around in it. I know as a “commoner” I most likely wouldn’t have gone in. But being a commoner and wondering what the mystery was inside would have been most intriguing. To dream of wonders that are literally so close to your house would have been extreme. 

When I saw the intricate details of the building inside I was certainly amazed. My eyes were wide and my camera on. I felt the walls and felt the etchings that most likely took years to build. I walked across the terra cotta bricks that were stepped on by numerous faiths, cultures, languages, motives, and thoughts. I was at awe that I was even in there. I wanted so bad to just sit in the middle of one of the glorious rooms and just fall in love with the art. It amazes me that people would learn this trade of constructing decor like this. Their life was to do that, create decor.

I obviously love art and anything that has to do with art. I absolutely love God’s art, though. The gardens were unfathomable. I have seen many great things in California that could to a certain degree compare to the gardens. But this was in Spain. The fragrance of the gardens swelled my nose and the water complementing the stone and the plants filled my eyes.  I was getting tired and it bothered me. When I am tired I cannot experience things to my full potential. Beautiful things need your full attention. 

Most of the group went up to a tower while Anne, Profe, and I stayed back in the shade. I was content to rest. Smell the smell of the constant cigarets and hear the languages being spoken.  I have been noticing the difference between Mexican Spanish and Spain Spanish. Spain puts this fluid and soft tones to Spanish. They massage the language in your ears. Mexican Spanish seems to have these voice fluctuations and shorter breaks between words. Its a lot faster and seems to be stripping away flowers from a rose bush and leaving just the bush to be left. I could do without hearing Mexican Spanish for awhile. 

When our day of walking was done, I was the most tired I have been for a long time. I showered and took a nap that seemed to last not enough. I slowly got ready and familiarized myself with the States via Facebook. It was hard to communicate with the outside world because so much has gone on that I couldn’t sum it up in one sitting. I also couldn’t express what I saw. My brain was massaged by the world of Spain and Spain left my brain numb in experience. 

Although, last night was a lot of fun once I was re-energized. We ate this meal that seemed to be endless. I enjoyed every bit of it. I was full to the brim. Which supplied me until 4 hours later... 

After dinner there was the Flamenco show. When we were waiting for the show to start, everyone was having a good time. Our group is getting along great and enjoying each other’s company. For the first time I felt like myself or felt like I could naturally be myself instead of forcing it. Where the show was felt like a different area then we have been in. After the show when we had a tour, the guide told us that they had everything they needed here. It was like their own town. I knew when she said that I could live there. Removed from the city but a 15 minute walk and you are there. 

We started to file into the small cave where the show was held. The room was hot and rather uncomfortable. Though, the intimate setting made the show better. The dancers were so intriguing to me. This was their life in Spain. To dance and make money. To show foreigners their talents.  To have an hour or so of your life to be watched with great applauds. Expressing their culture with ease and no fright, I wanted to be like them for a night. To captivate the virgin eye’s of the States. 

Wednesday in Spain

This is what I have been doing for past few days or so.

Monday, 5 September

• desayuno (breakfast) en el albergue
• in the bus by 9:00
• visit the monuments of Mérida: Roman circus baths, theater and amphitheater, bridge, temple of Diana, Arabic alcazaba
• There will be free time.  Use this time to do observations for your journaling homework.
• Dinner in the albergue.  

Tuesday, 6 September

• Lots of time in the bus today!  Read Williams, study vocabulary, work on your journals
• desayuno en el albergue
• en el autobus a las 8:30
• Visit the Mosque/Cathedral of Córdoba 13:00
• Walking tour, city of Córdoba
• Tiempo libre (Free time)
• 16:30 in bus for trip to Granada
• All rooms are double romos
• 20:00 Cena: Restaurante Hicuri

el miércoles, 7 de septiembre

• desayuno en el hotel
• 9:00 meet guide in lobby for walking tour of the Albaicin (wear comfortable shoes).  We will not be returning to the hotel until evening.
• 11:30 Plaza Nueva—pick up picnic lunch; walk to the Alhambra
• 12:00 enter the Alhambra
• 13:00 enter Palacios Nazaries

We were at a ruins of a Diana Temple and this man came by walking. Lately we have been walking so much that our feet are tired and all we can think about is food. Though dinner isn't till 10. BUT since we are adjusting we get dinner at 9 or 8 depending on if we are doing anything after. Most of us aren't going out but I went to a couple of bars. Not so shabby. We don't go out like the normal Spaniards yet. Americans really don't know how to live. I'm extremely tired and a nap is calling my way before dinner. Love you all. Please comment... :] 

{[Its been quite real and amazing. I haven't experience any culture shock yet. Things seem so fascinating that I don't have time to worry or anything like that. I have seen so many wonderful historical buildings. The language here is poetic. The Spaniard's spanish is more calming and relaxing then the other forms I have heard. Sure there are a lot of the same words and grammar but they way they pronounce is soothing. I sometimes cannot tell the difference from another language.]} 

Almost there

I'm two days away from my first part of my journey into Spain, leaving Home. This summer consisted of so much. A lot I could never regret and only a few moments I wish I could shove away. I saw people change before my eyes and especially saw me change before my eyes. There were times where I didn't quite recognize myself and then there were times were the old me. The summer held so many interesting moments for me. I saw the Grand Canyon for the first time. I saw my best friend grown up or at least getting close to being all grown up. I saw my Dad in a new light. I saw good friends tear away from me and others draw close to me. I experienced heart ache numerous times. Life brings unexpected events and no matter how much you can prepare for them, it still isn't enough. For past month I have improved my prayer life by quite a lot. Almost every morning I get up...wake up. Then I go outside to read my devotional with a cup of coffee. After I prayer for an hour. I cannot tell you how much that has improved my train of thought. It all started with this one day where I had constant communication with God. I felt so alive that day. I didn't want to leave the day...it just felt so good to me. I'll be in Spain in a short time. This month has prepared me in such a way where my real communication might only be with God for awhile. Its crazy how I have looked back on the events that have played out...they have lead me to having this communication with God. I needed that so bad. So as I sit here listening to Bon Iver and writing my life away...I can't be more thankful then I am now for this summer, for past years. In strange ways I have seen it prepare me for what is up ahead. The people that have left and the people that continue to stay next to my side will never be forgotten.
Today, I went to beach. Today I saw the human side of her. The growth in her soul. I saw an adult and a child all in one. I saw not who I wanted to be but who I want to influence me and encourage me. Today, I saw this person that I have fought with and I have loved with. Today, I saw someone hurt but grow in her hurt. I saw someone who I am proud of. Moments I wish I could go back to are days like this. I have a few saved up in my head and I think this one made the list. I can't really explain why but it has. Love grows and it was a big part of my summer. I will miss her a lot. I miss a lot of you. My journey is starting and I am getting more and more excited for it happen and to share it all with you.