Mono? Lord, really? otayy

So going to my last post...plans have def. changed. For the past 4 days now I have been in bed. I have been in bed sleeping, hacking up nasty stuff, and watching TV shows. Not to mention the insane sore throat I have. When I am alert I spend my time on Facebook or conversing with someone online. That idea of taking hold of Oviedo hasn't really worked out.
I went to the doctor yesterday and waited 4 hours. Let me explain the experience. I finally get into contact with my Prof. I have to meet her at the autobus station for some reason. So with me being half dead I asked my friend to walk me there. My Prof and I take the bus there. Get off and are completely lost...
We finally find the Emergency room. At first it was a totally breeze getting admitted. I started to think this was awesome. As we took the green line that lead us to the...WAITING room. One reason why I can't stand hospitals. They then again asked me questions and took my blood pressure. In the meanwhile my Prof is translated everything for me. Even though the nurse spoke English. She was so sweet. I loved her. I really did because she made me feel comfortable and at ease.
Then the thing that I dreaded. They took my blood...I've had blood drawn before but holy crap they took so much. Then I got an IV drip to top it off. Which in fact made me feel the best I had felt in days. After that I sat with my Prof listening to The American Story podcast. An hour later they brought me to this room that I swear could of been a interrogating room. A bit weird. Then she dropped the news...mono.
My world shacked for a bit because I knew exactly what it meant...me doing nothing for days on end. Finally we left after 4 hours.
I talked to my brother Blake and my dad that night. And my dad gave me some daunting news to my world. If I don't feel better as in better, than I did Sunday, Barcelona wasn't an option. My last excursion through the beauties of Spain. He also said it might be wise to stay home during January...I almost cried. Weird but I miss Calvin and in January I had some many things going. Two classes, my job back, and living in a house with out my dad for the first time.
So what is God trying to say? I'm not really sure at all. I'm confused. But this is life and he has it in his hands.
For this week. My plan of action. Is to sleep the whole day. Or least try. I'm terrible at sleeping in the day for long periods of time. And drinking tons of water. I currently possess a 1.5L water bottle. Drinking that baby twice a day or even more. My body will wake myself up to get a drink...its insane. I will most likely lose a bunch of weight. I haven't had coffee or soda sense last Wednesday. I haven't smoked a cig in over a week. Maybe this is God's way of telling me how insanely horrible my way of taking care of my body was wrong. I wouldn't doubt it one bit. As I proceed to get better...that will be my "motto".
I also have this terrible time of letting people take care of me other than my mom. I honestly taking care of so well by my mom when I was sick. It was like the all knowing mom syndrome. She would ask a question like, "would you like scrabbled eggs? That would make you feel better, uh?" And of course she was right. She took care of my body better than I did.
With the things changing at snap...I have to proceed to a healthier me for many reasons.
So my readers, pray that I feel better soon. Pray for my host mom has this might not be easy on her. Also, I hope to see my States readers soon. :]

So this last month I'm taking a hold of Oviedo and saying yes to God.

Tomorrow I reach my last month here. My last weeks. I have already planned out and sketched out what I will be doing. There are some gaps but gaps are healthy. With this last stretch of Spain I have some decisions to make.

How will I react, feel, what will I want, do, in these last weeks? Shall I stay in this contact mode with people in the states? Or will I again get consumed by Oviedo. I'm picking Oviedo for various of reasons. I'm stepping back from this constant mode of contact with people. I'm honestly exhausted by it. I want more than a chat with you and more than a smile from you.
The only person that I tend to come away from it in a more content feeling is my Dad. I know he will always be there. I look forward to skyping him once a week. In fact I'll cancel things to just talk to him. He is home.

Other people either make me feel sad inside or are just plain not in contact with me. So in this last month I'm refraining from the usual stock on facebook. The logging into facebook chat is now coming to an end. Giving a healthy separation from the other world I seem to be craving.
To be honest with you blog readers...I'm tired of trying to skype or get into contact with ones that seem to more than 9 or 6 hrs behind me. They seem to be more like weeks behind me.

This last month is my month. My month to get my fill of what God can still teach me here. This thing called internet is beginning to be annoying and destroying my ability to fully be captivated by Spanish.
Today I woke up this morning and got ready. I found myself with 20 minutes left to despair. I was overjoyed because I knew what I wanted to do with that time and that was to pray. I feel like in those 20 minutes I prayed for my needs and everyone else I could think of. I prayed for more nerve to just speak spanish to my host mom. I did just that tonight at dinner. And for 10 minutes we held this crazy bond that I never knew could happen. We related.

In that moment I knew I have changed. I knew in my demeanor I have changed...I knew in my character that I have changed. I knew in my thought process I have changed. Some know this and others don't. I used to be really depressed and I had no idea what to do about it but just die in it. Now I feel as though that person is far gone. It is like I am on top of the mountains in Los Picos de Europa and at the bottom, in the valley, is the old me.

I don't know how life works but I do know that once you take a hold of it and say yes to God...it's simply breath taking. So this last month I'm taking a hold of Oviedo and saying yes to God.

Picos de Europe

This weekend...
I think it was a break through. Everything I seemed to be striving for felt victorious this weekend. I'll explain.

I went to Picos de Europe in Covadonga. This small city is so important to Spain because this is where the Reconquest started. Amazing huh? Well, that was just a side story for some reference I suppose. Anyways, we took two hikes...one on Saturday and the other on Sunday. The two hikes were drastically different...

After we got done with the first hike the people I was with got separated from the rest of the group. We had no idea where they went. The location of where we were is also very secluded so there isn't a store just a few restaurants that close quite earlier. My friends and I were so hungry, mainly because we thought there was going to be a store there where we could buy us some food. There wasn't. We started looking for a place to eat but there was nothing. We called someone in the other group and they gave us vague directions...To put our emotions in more into perspective. We walked around dirty, hungry, and tired in the talk for an hour. All are not good combinations. Most of us, or all of us...were quite frustrated and angry towards some people in the other group for not waiting for us or calling us to tell us where they were. When we finally got to the restaurant that was open...the guy who worked there said it was closed.
I started to feel so angry and almost tormented. My past response to this would be cussing or getting so enraged...I tried to cuss. The words felt so unbearably foreign to my tongue. Like I tasted soap in my mouth. Then I knew that all this work I have been doing myself was paying off. God gave me this weird reward. A distaste for the common way society says I should react.

Saturday night I was so excited to sleep. I was going to sleep in a big bed with E.B. The night seemed so incredibly needed. The night came to sleep and E.B was sick. She coughed the whole night...not fun for sleeping, for the both of us. I found myself rubbing her back in my half a sleep state. We slept through my alarm. As soon as I woke...I knew there was breakfast for me downstairs in the hotel we stayed in. My friends this hotel was gorgeous and one of a kind.

The view from outside

Quickly I put on some clothes and came down to a fantastic breakfast. All I could think was..."THANK YOU GOD...for providing endless cups of coffee." We took a cab to our central and starting point of our hike. The hike took in totally 6 to 7hrs. 

There was this point in the hike that I thought I had enough and was so ready to give up. In my past behavior I would of put on some type of attitude showing I was hurting and had enough. I would of basically acted as a brat. I felt it coming on and quickly I just shouted to Anne that I needed some encouragement. She shouted back in a prayer to God. How perfect was that! I was so completely thankful for that moment. By the time we reached our destination, God defiantly showed His power and His might. He even gave me the encouragement to reach the top and actually see over the top. At the top the winds were well over strong. If I didn't keep a good stance at come points I would of fallen down the hill...because of the wind. At first I was so scared. I'm scared of heights....and no one knows this but I am about to tell the world I guess...I'm more terrified of strong winds. I remember when I was in elementary and the Santa Ana winds would come, I would be so scared that they would knock down a tree or something. I told my mom this when I was little and she told me, "me too." (secrets are just exploding out on here, haha) So I was terrified, SO scared. I almost didn't even go look. Though I felt a pull on my heart to see it and an embrace that I cannot explain but just say God. I put my backpack somewhere safe and went. I saw God's glory reign high. I felt and heard His breath of the wind all around me. I saw the colors of Fall and the mighty rocks that held up the mountain. Nothing was so terrifying and beautiful. I really couldn't stand the mixture. Because it made me so overwhelmed. It was like God had revealed Himself in an entirely different way. 

May I remind you that if you looked down...it was straight down.

This weekend was exhausting and I am still tired from it. It was more needed than I knew. To think that God will still be as amazing as that experience or even better, is more than words can say. I'm blessed.

I have to tweak a few things here and there.

Coming to Spain I thought I would be around Spaniards all the time and quickly learn the language. Both of those are false. The second one is sad but the first one isn't. I have met so many different kinds of people here that I suddenly get impressed by God's beauty once again.
I've lately learned that my personality expresses a non-caring attitude. Sometimes I don't understand how people can come up with that and times I understand. Some say I have developed a lot of fake relationships or in another words a lot of non deep relationships. I have to disagree. Though I have to agree.
I have lost site of whats important time to time because my focus gets distracted in so many directions. My gaze gets pulled on myself a lot. I hate that about myself. I truly just despise it. I wish at times I could be less conceited in my life. To have my eyes open wider around me, instead of having my eye lides closed. To have a gaze on the world and the people around me. I'm I think most of time I present my thoughts or questions to or about people like an ice berg. I only unleash the tip while there is so much underneath the water. Don't ask me why because at times I have no idea why.
Getting to know an entirely different culture and little cultures mixed in makes you look at yourself. Look at yourself and see what's missing or what's in check. I often forget that people are your best mirrors in life. They show you your outside as well as your inside. It's important to take advantage of that. To really pull at that. Because chances are they tend to know you better than you know yourself. We think that we are so...connected with ourselves but that is so false.
The best mirror I have had is God. The more I get to know Him, the more he starts to point out all these things that I thought were so right about myself. Although, unexpectedly he shows you great things about yourself that you never saw....your potential. What your worth is...Your identity...
I'm not sure how honest I should be with blogs. At times I could tell my life story and other times I don't know if it is appropriate. I'm becoming more private and it seems to be more of a daily thing. I'm not saying anything tell someone asks. Weird but I'm not sure where it is coming from. I'm growing up? I'm tired of people seeing my burdens? I don't know and at times I don't care. I hope I figure out the happy medium soon.
I'm getting anxious here...to be on the move again. though I know I should be content. In Deciembre we are going to Barcelona for the first time. I am so excited and I wish it could come sooner. Though once it does...the trip is almost over. My gaze is either on myself or in the future. I have to tweak a few things here and there.