Tomorrow I reach my last month here. My last weeks. I have already planned out and sketched out what I will be doing. There are some gaps but gaps are healthy. With this last stretch of Spain I have some decisions to make.
How will I react, feel, what will I want, do, in these last weeks? Shall I stay in this contact mode with people in the states? Or will I again get consumed by Oviedo. I'm picking Oviedo for various of reasons. I'm stepping back from this constant mode of contact with people. I'm honestly exhausted by it. I want more than a chat with you and more than a smile from you.
The only person that I tend to come away from it in a more content feeling is my Dad. I know he will always be there. I look forward to skyping him once a week. In fact I'll cancel things to just talk to him. He is home.
Other people either make me feel sad inside or are just plain not in contact with me. So in this last month I'm refraining from the usual stock on facebook. The logging into facebook chat is now coming to an end. Giving a healthy separation from the other world I seem to be craving.
To be honest with you blog readers...I'm tired of trying to skype or get into contact with ones that seem to more than 9 or 6 hrs behind me. They seem to be more like weeks behind me.
This last month is my month. My month to get my fill of what God can still teach me here. This thing called internet is beginning to be annoying and destroying my ability to fully be captivated by Spanish.
Today I woke up this morning and got ready. I found myself with 20 minutes left to despair. I was overjoyed because I knew what I wanted to do with that time and that was to pray. I feel like in those 20 minutes I prayed for my needs and everyone else I could think of. I prayed for more nerve to just speak spanish to my host mom. I did just that tonight at dinner. And for 10 minutes we held this crazy bond that I never knew could happen. We related.
In that moment I knew I have changed. I knew in my demeanor I have changed...I knew in my character that I have changed. I knew in my thought process I have changed. Some know this and others don't. I used to be really depressed and I had no idea what to do about it but just die in it. Now I feel as though that person is far gone. It is like I am on top of the mountains in Los Picos de Europa and at the bottom, in the valley, is the old me.
I don't know how life works but I do know that once you take a hold of it and say yes to God...it's simply breath taking. So this last month I'm taking a hold of Oviedo and saying yes to God.
1 comment:
enjoy EVERY minute left brenna! don't forget, when you return, that you have had 'the adventure of a lifetime' and have embraced it 100%. that, you will never regret! hang in there! (there will be those that won't understand when you return, and there will be those who crave details...and you'll have to find a new 'normal' once again). love ya.........grace
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